Are You Living or Are You Merely Existing?

By

Desiree Future

When my son was younger, we traveled all along the east coast. His first trip was when he was three months old. We visited a friend who had recently moved three hours away near the beach.

My child enjoyed the trains and planes as we went to Connecticut, Virginia, and South Carolina just to name a few. When he finished schooling, he no longer wanted to take vacations with me. He wanted to spend time with his friends as he should.

Although he still lived in my house, I found a sense of loneliness if you will. Strange how you can feel lonely when you’re not exactly alone. Well, that was what I was feeling. I guess the empty-nester thing started to creep in when he became an adult.

The more I felt like that the more I thought I had to get a hobby. I needed to find out what makes me happy. What do I like to do and where do I want to go?

Did I want to go bowling like I used to years ago? Did I want to learn a new language or take up playing chess? I decided against all of them because they were a big no.

When you become a parent sometimes you misplace your identity by trying to be the best parent you can. It is especially difficult when you’re single. You must carry the load of two people stretching yourself in so many ways.

If you’re employed and are a caregiver, it’s also easy to lose yourself. With mounting responsibilities, you might not have time for a social life or a life in general. You’re lucky if you can take time out to go to the barbershop or hair salon.

I had a realization recently as I thought about how my life would be different if I weren’t a writer with a full-time day job. After working five days a week, I would come home and make dinner. Relax on my sofa and watch television.

With the occasional outings with my friends that would consist of my life. Except for regular errands like laundry and grocery shopping. I would simply be existing.

However, writing has been my passion since the late eighties, and it’s what makes me smile all the time. It keeps me up late at night. Thoughts run through my mind when I see maybe a 1920s lamp post. Things like that help me to create an entire scene for my writing.

On weekends, after a long hectic week at work sometimes I just want to lay on the couch and watch TV. Other times I want to go out to dinner, maybe see a movie or play mini-golf. I might even want to pull an all-nighter, writing from dusk until dawn.

I’m not a thrill seeker wanting to bungee jump off a bridge because honestly, I hate heights and I love my life. But to visit museums, explore new places, and do new things is the type of person I am.

The Bible tells us story, after story about how God moved in so many miraculous ways. With everything He did for us, why can’t we simply move for Him? He gave us this gift of life for a purpose.

When I was younger, I let others influence some things that I did. People told me because I was single, I couldn’t go to the movies alone, or dinner by myself. Believing them, I sat at home eating a bowl of cereal while watching reruns of old movies.

Admittingly, I spent many vacation days at home existing within the confines of my apartment. With nothing to do, I watched TV and listened to music. Watching the world around me move I sat and observed.

Until I realized, I didn’t want to be a watcher anymore. Instead, I wanted to be out exploring this magnificent world. Going to the movies, and plays is scary for a single person. I haven’t tried going to dinner asking for a table for one yet but I will be doing that soon.

It’s frightening but it’s also fun at the same time because I’m living my life and not merely existing. What are you doing with your life?